Monday, July 21, 2008

U TURN


The Only thing that I can remember is that I was in my darkest hour. I’ve been through a lot of struggles and this time I’m losing my war. I was about to drop my sword and ready to give up but not until my superior put me in a place where I can rest and be cured.

It was Sunday of 2005 when it happens. I was not in a mood to be ushered by any crowd; I just want to be alone. Well, actually I’ve been alone for how many months… or maybe year! And I’m used to be like that ever since. Before I loved to mingle with my church friends, have conversation about God, fellowship. But people change, so am I. I’m not that same person anymore. I hate to be with these people, it makes me sick. I called them “plastic” and I see them as plastic.

I don’t trust anybody I only trust my self. I felt that I was in a dark place at that moment but I just ignored it. No one understands me, even my family and friends can’t comprehend what I’ve been going through. Yes I was alone. I chose to be alone. Although I’m okay outside but inside I was drowning, I was wounded, I was bleeding… I am dying.

For years I gave up reading the bible, for almost a year I stop praying and talking to God and this year I was planning to quit attending church. I lose all my interest in these things the passion is negative zero.

My Christian mentor invited me to have lunch out to the mall. They’ve just called me through my cell phone and said that my sister is with them. They said that they are going to wait for me in a resto inside the mall so even though I don’t want to go I can’t say no. I treat them as my second family that’s why I can’t resist them.



So I went there to meet with them. I was clueless on what’s going to happen in that afternoon, I only knew that it’s all about lunch and that’s it. But unfortunately, it’s about church thing that I don’t want to talk about. They said that after we finished our food we are going to a youth service in brick road. “Not again!” I said to myself, I’m tired of church hopping… I’ve been through different churches for the past few months and years, I think it’s time to rest.

At that moment I feel that I’ve been cornered by a huge walls and I can’t run.
Honestly I want to make some reasons not to be with them but it’s too obvious. No matter what I do there’s still no escape. Little that I know that it was God’s hand that is moving, chasing me and bringing me back to his arms and comfort.

As we move closer to the church, I’m thinking about my previous experiences in our past churches. It was painful, a big wave for a small boat that crashed its way onto the shore. “I’ll just give it a try, “I said. If it doesn’t work well I think it’s the last.

The setting is a lot more different in my previous experience. Yes it’s totally different! “It is a big church” I said. But I think it’s not for us, it’s obvious that this church is for wealthy people, I will be having a hard time coping up with this people if we became a member of this church. I set aside all my anxiety at that moment and tried to be positive as I shake the hands of the church leaders.

After the long exchange of hand shakes, at last I found my niche. As we wait till the program start, I observed every person from the farthest place to the closest I’ve got. And I just wonder what if I’m one of them? How does it feel?




At last the program start, as the band plays it amazes me how they worship God. I worship God before but not like this and little by little I got encourage through the songs. As I sing praises to God, I never felt anything like this before. I feel like I was a plant who is nurtured again and for the very first time I cried as I sing praises to my maker. I felt His hand comforting me like a father saying don’t worry my son you’ll be okay, I’m here for you, you are not alone, I love you.

God it was a revival! I feel that my wounds are healed and little by little I was swept away from the darkness into light. And as I hear the preacher preach I feel that my soul is being fed like a baby. The fire that once burned out is now restored.

For almost a year being quiet to God, in that moment I talk to Him through prayer. I said “Lord I’ve been through a lot of troubles please give me rest. And when the time comes that you need me I’ll be available, used me. “And it happened.



Matthew 11
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

When you think you are headed in the wrong direction God allows u turn!


07 17 008
3.06am