Going back on that day I was paralyzed to do anything, what I do is become an usher greeting people as they’ve come to church and fixing chairs going back to basics. After three weeks I was reinstated by my pastor and asked what I realized and how I felt about what happen. I said I was humbled down and ask God for forgiveness I know now that God can give and God can take away everything. We are just entrusted by God to do his work and we are just privilege to be used by him. Now my pastor asked me are you ready to return? At the back of my mind I was thinking am I ready? Am I ready to serve God once again? Although I’m serving him by fixing chairs and greeting people am I ready to play for him again? Ask myself when I will be ready? You will never know if you don’t try so I said “I’m ready to go back”. And I’m back.
Many things happened in my life and I’ve never be the same again. God entrusted me so much responsibilities and God blessed me and our church as well. Now we have satellite services in different places and I was privilege to help in those areas. Then I was called to be a Music Director and a Worship Leader in one of our satellite church. It was big for me to be a Worship Leader, I am not that experience in leading people to worship, singing songs, and making them sing from their hearts. I was leaving my comfort zone that’s what I know and that’s what God wants me to do so I obey.
But here’s the thing the Delilah in my life are still there and became a burden to me I was soak in to the sin again and having troubles with her. Issues arise and burden eating us up. It was a disgrace to God’s throne and without his grace maybe we are dead right now.
After two years and a month we’ve decided to confess everything to our small group leaders and pastors and let them decide on what to do with us. I’ve made my own nightmare three days ago she went to our house and our friend’s house and do scandalous things saying things to people all the highly confidential information putting both of us to shame. I don’t know maybe in this way she can get a hold of me and pushing me to be with her and get married or because of the hurt she feels and the decision I made to stop our communication cause her to react on this way. But I know where I stand and my family knows what really happens she can’t make things up just to destroy me or hold me. I am not angry for what she has done I feel sad to what happen to us. This could not happen if we listen and learn from our mistakes two years ago. This could not happen if we stop sinning and stop our relationship the way it used to be.
Now I was disabled to stand in front, same thing happens two years ago. But now something is different. I’ve been praying for months to God to fix my life. I earnestly prayed that every day, “God! Fix my life! Fix my life!”
And three days ago as we do our bible study in the office I prayed to God to remove all the distraction in my life and if God would prune me in any areas of my life do it to me “one time big time” although I know it would hurt me so bad I will endure cause I’m so tired sinning. And it happened. Although I almost lost everything my family are still with me and this moment I will know whose my real friends are and who will stay with me no matter what am I now. My Pastor who is also my mentor never leaves me and they showed me love. I deserve to undergo this trial but I’m thankful how God holds me and directs me in my life. I never know what will my future will be but this moment of my life I will recommit and entrust my every decision and what my heart wants to God cause I know He knows the plan for me so I will delight myself in the Lord and trust him with all of my heart leaning not on my own understanding for he knows and see and I know he loved me. Thanks God! I’ll be back soon. Without the guilt in my life I can say I can worship you now with a pure heart that’s pleasing to your sight.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.